Ramble on.

Oct. 16th, 2010 04:25 am
dealated: (Default)
It's 4 AM, I'm leaving in 5 hours to drive back to LA. I've sort of forgotten what it is that is drawing me back. I've sort of forgotten who I am. Who I am and where I am going. I'm wearing almost nothing, glancing down every few moments only to see my bellybutton and how my hips and thighs spread outwards in ways I don't remember them spreading. Thinking to myself, so this is what I have become. Great. This is who I am now. A person with a mind that has no dreams and aspirations and a body that no longer holds its form. I had a path at some point and I lost it. Where did it go? My my how the days have slid past into a pool of darkness I'd rather not look into. My my how I avert my eyes as I look into the mirror. But I'm just rambling, and you should be used to it by now my sweet.

I should be used to this nothingness I have latched onto, the bits of myself that hold me together, the bits that are not but antimatter, the bits that are nothingness. Can you tell I don't know the words that my fingers are forming? The words that my mind is telling me that I am feeling? I used to be a writer. Right? Where did that bit of me go? Lost in the string of ones and zero's? Crawling in around upon and away from myself? I miss myself more then I'll ever know.

I find myself pleading, to my disengaged particles, in my dreams, to come back. Come back to me my precious, please, come back.

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