dealated

It's about 4 in the morning and I'm laying in bed. I've been here for 3 hours, trying to fall asleep, but I can't. The noise of the mini fridge in my room is driving me insane when at any other time I don't even notice it. I won't put earbuds in to listen to music and drown it out because I am paranoid about not being able to hear in the event someone should come into my room while I'm sleeping. Like I can somehow defend myself if I have the few extra seconds that hearing an intruder would give me. My mind won't shut up. I don't even know what it is going on about that is so important that it must deny me my sleep. It's just rushing from thought to thought all the while focusing on every squeak, hum, creak, etc, that is being made by this old house and the things in it.

I watched a movie today on netflix that was based on a fictional future where you can be implanted with a timer that counts down to the exact moment you find your one true love, if they also have one of these devices. It was labeled as a comedy. There was NOTHING remotely funny about it. It was actually a really depressing movie. Maybe it was supposed to be comedic how tragic humans are in their search to find someone to love them forever. I don't know...

Was sick since Sunday, but feeling better now thank god. I had chills and a cough and a horrible headache that started at the top of my spine and made my whole head pound.

Sometimes I don't know if the things I hear are real, in my head, or if I'm hearing someones thoughts somehow.

I wish it would rain.

Maybe not being able to fall asleep is my body's way of telling me I sleep too much normally. But I was sick the past few days, so it should cut me some slack. I needed extra sleep.

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