dealated: (Default)
In my mind
I gain comfort
from knowing we have
never
actually
touched.
Science does not permit
our bodies
to come together.
A layer of space
always persists
between your flesh
and mine
a space
between your lips
and mine.
Electromagnetic force
forever keeping our atoms
apart
leaving me no room
to miss
the touch
that could never
exist.
dealated: (Default)
My heart is generally a very confused organ.

Wake

Jun. 29th, 2011 04:00 am
dealated: (Default)
I'm drowning
in myself
tossing in the currents
swallowed by the salt.
I can't hear
your words,
can't feel
your feelings,
over the crashing
of the waves.
My soul is like
a pebble,
lost
thrown about
made smooth
and small
in the wake
of the world.

Thirst

Jun. 29th, 2011 03:44 am
dealated: (Default)
I hunger
for the noise
and thirst
for the burn
running down
my throat
and warming me
since I've grown
so cold
when all is still
and sleep has settled
all around.

I want nothing more
then to be numb;
made of something
that isn't
flesh,
bone,
and blood.
Remake
my heart
out of steel,
diamonds,
something,
anything,
that won't break
when it hits the floor.
dealated: (miss)
I need you
to still love me
like you used to.

Every day I don't see you
cracks my heart.
Every day I don't
tell you I love you
is a day I die more then usual.

You are the most
amazing
person
in the multiverse.
In my heart
there is a cube
devoted only to you.
Crying out to you.
The only person who
will
ever
understand
me.

I tell everyone
I've ever loved
I can't love
anyone
more then I have
ever
loved
you.

You are the light
in my
darkness.
The kisses
I won't forget.
The love
that lives
inside of me
even when I feel
hideous.

I miss holding you close
while the world ends.
dealated: (Default)
I don't fall in love
slow
I fall in love
fast
hard
and quiet.
Like making love
with your parents
in the next room.

My love's like
a blister.
Something
you
want
gone
as soon as you
notice it's there.

So let me go
as soon as I
realize I want
to hold you close.

You're like the moon
as I try to hold
your reflection
in a pool
in the night.
Waving and
shimmying in the dark
lapping over and around me.

My feelings are like the sun
I can't hold them
inside me
because they are
turning me to ash
before I even realize.

You say it's complicated
but i think
it's just a word
to hide the fact
that you don't
think
I'm
hot.
dealated: (Default)
Thank you for caring
(it would hurt less if you didn't)
dealated: (miss)
I never expected
you to love me back
all I wanted
was for you to
take all the love
I had to give.

Now I'm left
swallowing
all of it back down
filling up my stomach
until I want to puke.
It strains against
the seams
of my fingers and toes
until I want to cry.

I can't let it out
as others,
people who crave it,
claw at my flesh
crying out for it
breaking me down for it;
it doesn't
feel
right.

The only thing
that felt right
was your teeth
making prints
in my skin
and
the way our lips
meshed
as I ushered
quite sounds
from between them.

If only it had felt
right
for you.
dealated: (Default)
I have a sickness
in my blood,
a sickness they call love.
It starts in my heart
and flows through my veins
infecting every part of me.
It makes my bones ache
my body quake,
and my stomach twist in knots.
I need a shot,
a pill,
a cure,
to make this feeling stop.
I told myself not to rush
but once it started
the infection spread
without mercy.
By the time you severed
yourself from me
the disease had taken over.
Now I'm left
feeling sick
without a cure.

shrapnel

Jun. 15th, 2011 05:36 pm
dealated: (Default)
You can't leave yet.
Not until you've helped me
pull the shrapnel from my heart.
Not until you sew
up the holes
you rended in me.
I can't do it alone
with my shaking hands
and my head full of pain.
I can't staunch the flow
of feelings I have for you
until I understand
what parts of me
made me someone
you can't love.
dealated: (Default)
Please someone
wake me,
because I'm falling
falling for you
falling asleep,
I keep wondering
how you kiss
and how you taste
feeling small
and huge
at the same time.

You're the after
effects of the big bang.
You're gravity, pulling matter
into spheres and forcing order
in an otherwise chaotic universe.
Like a black hole
destroying stars
while forming galaxies.
It's way to early to announce
that we've found life,
that we've found love
the most complex of molecules.

Someday all life will end
but you cant live in fear
of death.
You can't live in fear
of the end of love.
dealated: (Default)
You've already left
a bruise in me
already you
are bleeding into me
like broken vessels
in skin
marking me.
Already I'm addicted
to what you are
giving me.
The parts of you
that you've let me taste
leaving me famished
and yearning for more.
Please don't stop
I don't know
if I could stay standing
if you pulled away now.
I don't know
if I can keep from falling
if you pull me any closer.
dealated: (Default)
Last night I had a nice dream. I met this perfect girl. She had longish wavy light brown hair, brown eyes with beautiful eyelashes, and perfect pink lips, lips I imagine to be the most kissable in the world. She was wearing jeans and a plain t-shirt and old converse. And she wanted me. I don't know where we met, but we drove out to this old bridge and just sat and talked for what felt like hours and enjoyed being near each other. At one point I felt a bit of guilt because I knew I would have to leave the person I was with because I needed to be with this girl. I couldn't bring myself to kiss her, I think I was scared to, because she was so perfect. But she held my hand for a bit. I knew we were really in love. It was an overwhelming feeling of being safe and cared for. I woke up feeling great, but now I just feel disappointed that she doesn't exist. I miss her. It's sort of a weird thing to be feeling. I almost feel like crying.
dealated: (Default)
My heart is racing
beating out a rhythm
that my arms and legs struggle to keep up with
as I'm tapping my feet and
drumming my fingers
to the song you are making my body play
All words are lost
as I struggle to keep
the butterflies in my stomach from flying out my mouth
My brain keeps slowing
as my breath quickens
with every inch your warmth moves closer to mine
Please heart
please slow.
dealated: (Default)
Mom wants me to start writing everyday, so I'm working on it. I skipped quite a few days, because the only thing I can seem to write about is my insecurity in my decisions and trying to reaffirm myself that this is ok. Rants and raves, the usual for me I guess. So I'm looking forward to figuring out what else i have to say that doesn't relate to past relationship things. Maybe that was all I could ever write about in the first place. I've shut off parts of myself for so long that it's hard to remember to access them again, for one reason or another, so that makes it difficult also. I'm like a glass that got cracked and needs to be melted down again and reformed, the same parts but in a different configuration on a microscopic level. Or something.

The goals and purposes of my life have been lost along the way. Parts of my glow covered over like they were blemishes on an otherwise perfect skin. I let it happen without realizing it until it was too late. I could blame it on complacency being bred into me or some dumb shit, but I wont. It's times like these I really like to take out old cd's and listen to them, like they are clues to my former self I can follow back. Also, reading things I wrote forever ago, like it'll make it possible for me to spew out words with no problem that echo with who I am. I used to be able to do that. Maybe I'm clinging to it like one would cling to the memories of a former lover. I miss that so much. I miss who I used to be. I used to be full of something, but it all drained out slowly. Now I'm rambling and crying. I blame it on the whiskey. I blame it on the time and the day and the alignment of the planets. I really just didn't know it would slip away from me if I let go for too long. I thought it would always be in me. So fuck. Help. Someone drop me a flotation device before I drown in myself.

Send me writing prompts someone, please.
dealated: (Default)
It's 11:19 PM and I should of had my shit packed up and ready to go hours ago. Instead I'm drunk and still drinking and crying to myself in the dark as I amuse myself with video games and tv shows.

Not much

Nov. 20th, 2010 04:06 am
dealated: (Default)

It's 4 am and I'm sitting in Matts room carefully observing the shadows and highlights that make up objects shapes.

Thinking about things that have happened, that I haven't had control over, that make me want to cry.

My worst fear, after all these years, is still being alone.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

dealated: (Default)
Yes I am alive or at least I think I am. Sitting in my room listening to Linkin Park and pulling old memories from the depths of my mind. Excavating parts of me that have been buried by the earth and fossilized. I'm at this point where I'm not sure what to do next. Where will I go, what will I do, and so on and so forth. I am too relaxed about some things. I feel like whatever happens happens, and if things are meant to go right, it will just work itself out in the end. I've always been, and always will be, a passive person. Why should I struggle? It's no use, like trying to swim in to shore from a riptide. It just pulls you farther away.
dealated: (Default)

I find your lack of beer disturbing.
-me

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

dealated: (Default)

I find your lack of beer disturbing.
-me

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

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